Bed

by Mark C. Wallfisch

Who wouldn’t want a $2,000 king-size upholstered bed?  The answer, it turns out, is, “Just about everybody.”

Sam had such a bed for only a month when Philip, a dancer boy with excruciating good looks and an undeveloped sense of style, moved in, saying, “That bed is too much, much too much, man.  It’s gotta go.” 

Wanting to please his new boyfriend, Sam reluctantly set about disposing of the bed.  He started with the furniture store where he had bought the bed and where he was buying a new one that was more to Philip’s low-brow liking.  “We can’t sell used furniture,” the salesperson said. 

“I don’t care what you do with it; just remove it, please.” 

“No, our insurance won’t let us.”  He might as well have said, “No, the pandemic, supply chain; the new normal.”

Sam then advertised on craigslist.  No takers.  He called charities that resell furniture.  Each one had reasons why they couldn’t take it.  One even said yes, they’d take it.  But when two guys arrived with a truck, they decided, “Uh, no man, it just wouldn’t go in our store.”

Philip sneered, “Of course, nobody wants it; it’s awful.”  Sam cringed but agreed to dispose of the bed by whatever means necessary.

Desperate, he called a company named Get Ridda Trash.  Yes, they’d take it, for $400.  Exhausted, Sam agreed.  But he couldn’t be home when the trash guy wanted to come.  So Sam handed Philip $400 and delegated him to oversee the bed removal. 

When Sam got home hours later, the bed and Philip and Philip’s things were gone.  A note read, “Trash guy was impossible to resist.  Thanks for everything, Philip.”

Sam smiled and thought, “It cost me $400 and a great bed, but I did get rid of trash.”

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